Risk or Unbelief

I cannot believe that in just 10 days I will have our daughter in my arms for the first time. (I assume Josh knows she will be in my arms first...at least now he does...we'll see if he counters). This daughter who I do not know but love so much...a daughter I have stared it for 19 1/2 LONG weeks waiting on a court date to hold her, a daughter I didn't even know I wanted 3 years ago and now I can't imagine not having her here one day. A daughter that will make things decidedly more difficult...from the literal aspect of having 3 kids 4 and under to watch all day to the outward appearance of how our family will look to others (to those who approve and to those who don't) to the spiritual questions of how we can love outside boundaries the way we do (1 John 4:19). I will be honest and tell you that this journey has been hard, bumpy, and tiring. I will also tell you that there were days that I wanted to give up, to just do the "normal" thing and have another bio child. Why did we have to be so different? Why were we called to do something "risky"? OH how I long to tell you that those few days are nothing in comparison to loving my Savior and the desire to be obedient to Him and the joy that comes with that...but still my flesh is weak and those thoughts take hold now and again. I recently read a quote that the desire for our lives to be risk free is a form of unbelief. Let me write it again...the desire (and a strong one at that) for our lives to be RISK free is a form of UNBELIEF. WOW...did that sting! How unbelieving I can be! I will be bold and claim it here that Josh and I feel that we are not done growing our family through adoption. Our hearts know that if God wills it there will be more kids joining our family by adoption. And we also feel that God is calling for us to be even "riskier" with our next adoption and bring home and love an HIV + child. We are passionate about loving those affected with this disease on a continent that does have the wealth to gain the 2 pills needed to give life to those infected. You and I can easily walk down to our local Walgreens or CVS and pick up a prescription for 2 pills that mean the difference of life and death to a person infected...2 pills that make the virus virtually undetectable in an infected person's blood stream...2 pills that very easily allow an infected person to live a very "normal" disease free existence. This, folks, scares me quite a bit. I KNOW we will lose much in this decision...literally, we'll lose income (and maybe 250 cable channels) in paying monthly for the needed meds; we know we'll probably lose friendships; we'll probably have a harder time in nursery settings and preschool and schooling situations. Basically, we'll be UNCOMFORTABLE...much more so than we are now. But it's NOT ABOUT ME! We do it all for the sake of ONE...that ONE child that has NO HOPE of being adopted because of a nasty disease that the child had nothing to do with to cause it. A child that will face death if we don't face losing friends and 250 cable channels.

You know...I've been thinking this year about what the first Christmas must have been like. There was no Santa Clause, no toys, no stockings, no trees, no lights on houses, no wish lists. God must have been in agony as He knew what He was doing to His only SON...sending Him to live in a fallen world to be tortured for 33 years and then to die a horrible death all for the sake of you and me. God became UNCOMFORTABLE and RISKED IT ALL...GAVE IT ALL just to save us and to show us He loves us. Oh, I hope you have time to pause this Christmas to remember why we celebrate Christmas...to reflect on that first Christmas before it became what it is today. We will be celebrating this year as a family living together as 4...thankful for this time as we know that God will make known the time our family will be united and become a family of 5 soon...and then we'll wait on His guidance to continue to be "risky" with our lives. So our wish for you this Christmas season is to have a new year full of risk, adventure, and BELIEF!