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Friday, January 21, 2011

Stepping out on faith...

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
Hebrews 11:1

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."
James 1:2-3

I don't know about you but I'm a planner. And not only am I a planner; I am a researcher. I want to know what to expect and when to expect it. I like to be in control and spend hours reading about or searching out a topic on the internet to help prepare or learn about something. In short...I DO NOT USUALLY ENJOY SURPRISES. At least the big, life changing kind that happen with no control and no time to plan. I certainly do not like leaving international travel to short notice nor do I enjoy not knowing when I will have a certain child in my arms for good. I'm starting to sound like a certain 4 year old I know who at least can claim being 4 as the reason behind his ranting. I however can not claim as much. In fact, as a child of God I cannot claim to not know better or even being new at this faith walk thing. I DO know better and I am not new to my life in Christ. So why does it always feel like I don't and I am?

Today we received news that the US Embassy in Addis Ababa will be changing the procedure for submitting paperwork and being cleared for visas. This would not be a concern were we not the very first set of parents to be included in these new rules. No time lines to help us in making arrangements, no families that have gone before us, no idea how long the review process might take or when they might allow us an interview. All new, all different. You see where my rantings from above come in right about now? I want to stomp my feet or call someone up and demand to be seen next week. I deserve to bring her home right? I've waited long enough right? Ahhhh...and then in steps the Holy Spirit. Funny enough the minute after I read this e-mail today leaving the doctor's office with the boys I could not get a signal to call Josh. Seriously...phone would not work even though I just had a signal to read the e-mail to begin with. Here is what the conversation sounded like (ok...imaginary conversation in my head...not audible, but you get it)

God: "Who is the first person you're going to go with this issue?"
Me: "Well...ummm (still no cell phone signal)...ok, you. But you're not really going to give me a timeline here are you?"
God: "Did I ask you to step out on faith?"
Me: "Yes"
God: "Have you done that?"
Me: "Yes" (We have plane tickets that leave next Friday)
God: "Do you have reason to believe otherwise right now?"
Me: "Ummm...no. All speculation." (And have you not seen my post on His faithfulness?)
God: "So do you want to be in control or do you want me to be in control?"
Me: I think to myself ME, ME, ME! But I know in my heart of hearts that He knows so much better and bigger than I do so I let go and take a breath and...

my cell phone comes back on and Josh is calling. We decide that we'll wait on God...we'll wait to hear what happens next week. We'll pray for Embassy clearance and we'll put our hope in God and in the best case scenario of being cleared next week to leave on Friday like we have planned all along. We will wait upon the Lord and we'll ask you to pray with us. And ultimately we will pray that He is glorified in all of this...even if we're not cleared next week, even if we don't travel until May, even if I have to go alone. To God be the glory...


Kim and Eric said...

Autumn, I have been following along your journey through Jen Waller's blog. Will continue to pray for God's amazing faithfulness to shine through! So excited for y'all! Kim Moore

Debb said...

Gosh, changes, new timelines, new paperwork......so frustrating! Though we are not awaiting an embassy date, we are close to a referral ~ and the timeline just got pushed back more! ~ I am so sorry you are feeling down about this. But I am so glad that God arranged to have that "talk" with you so that you could be reminded to give it all to Him. Funny how we can need continuous reminders, even though that truly is the root of our heart, to give it all to Him. Praying you get a date very VERY SOON!!!!!!

lesli said...

Hey Autumn,
I've been following your blog for awhile now and it seems that we're about in the same place in the adoption process. We are also waiting on an Embassy appointment but haven't been notified of any changes. If you have any specifics, would you mind to email them to me? My email address is mrsleslisweeney (at) yahoo.com. Thanks so much and I hope you hear something soon!!